There are moments...

Monday, May 29, 2006

Andrew has my duck!

Its official... Andrew has my duck.


Went to nationals for volleyball and did not to bad. Had a few very slow moving games. Got to see my friend Andrew who hates volleyball, but likes me. Thank you for taking the pain for that day.

Never got into camp this summer, which is fine. Im not sure what God has in store for me this summer but im excited to find out.
As for plans already, in August Im going down to see my dad for the month along with my Aunty Kim. We have all sorts of fun things planned.

Got an e-mail from my friend BJ today. It was great to hear from her!!!

Andrew threw my duck in the lake where is supposably belongs -- not true. It belongs here with me.

Dawn come home. I miss you lots.

Jr. Prom is this Thursday. Im getting excited about that.

My sister, Michelle, broke her wrist on the weekened. Poor girl cant do anything for 8 weeks. Summer games for volleyball are also out of the question for her.

Schools out in 15 days. Have not been so excited for a long time!!! Weow!

Thats all the news i have to report at the moment. Ill keep you all posted,
Boss. Jr

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Kids on Mariage

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
(written by kids)
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, ifyou like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and sheshould keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10
(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're goingto marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find outlater who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10WHAT IS THE

RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the personFOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10
(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to getmarried. -- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to beyelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get toknow each other. Even boys have something to say if you listenlong enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and thatUsually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all thenewspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the deadcolumns. -- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1 ) When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7
(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want tomess with that - - Curt, age 7
(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you shouldmarry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
(1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing.I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossedout. -- Theodore, age 8
(2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boysneed someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks likea truck. -- Ricky, age 10

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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

A women's poem

A WOMAN'S POEM

He didn't like the casserole

And he didn't like my cake.

My biscuits were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right.

He didn't like the stew.

I didn't mend his socks...

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue

Then I turned around and smacked him..

.Like his mother used to do.

I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS, DON'T YOU??


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Water, water, everywhere

Song:
Pure -Superchick


I bring the pure flow, drink so deep

The river of life, my soul at ease


You’ve probably heard this rhyme: "Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink." It’s talking about the ocean. Because of the salt in ocean water, drinking it only dehydrates the body.
In a spiritual sense, all of us are in the middle of an undrinkable ocean. We try, but the things we taste to satisfy our thirst only leave us wanting more.


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Sunday, May 14, 2006

Installing Husband

INSTALLING HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate
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Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.html" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).
Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck, Tech Support

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Friday, May 12, 2006

I pood


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Walmart

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your driver is taking their sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3 Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4 Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' >in housewares..... and see what happens.
5 Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6 Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7 Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8 When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9 Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10 While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.
11 Dart around the store suspiciously and loudly humm the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12 In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13 Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14 When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

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Be my Escape

Song: Be My Escape --Relient K

I’m begging You...to be my escape.

There’s a term used in prisons to refer to a felon who is walking from the cell to the death chamber. It’s called "dead man walking." For all intents and purposes, this person’s fate is sealed. Only a last minute call from the governor could stop the inevitable.
At one time, in a spiritual sense, all of us were "dead man walking"—some of us still are. The difference here is that we don’t have to wait for that last-minute call. We can make the call ourselves.


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Monday, May 08, 2006

Ping


This is my Asian love-child, Ping.


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Organs of the Body

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it ! n eeds to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story? The asshole is usually in charge

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Top 10 things...

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc. . . ). Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Bring pets.


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Saturday, May 06, 2006

If you get bored...

http://marge.uvm.edu/sdempse/jokes/singinghorses.swf

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Friday, May 05, 2006

DECODE

DECODE

Thought this was interesting...you may too.
This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.(Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:!
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands!
Probably a son-in-law)

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